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Tyler Hilinski


MrBug708

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That's a gut punch.  Wow, he was going to start next year.  It's being reported a gunshot to the head and a suicide note.

I feel awful for all who knew him and the Wazzu program and campus.  A buddy of mine committed suicide in mid-December and it leaves so many questions and thoughts on what you could have done to help, not to mention what it does to the surviving family members.

 

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So many young men take their lives in impulsive acts driven by depression, mental illness and/or circumstances that they lack the experience to keep in perspective.  This is so sad and tragic.  As we witness, enjoy and cherish the exuberance, courage, idealism and joy of the young men in our lives let us be mindful of, and protect them from, their particular vulnerabilities.

I had to leave for a bit.  I have often written of "Los Primos", "the cousins", my nephews that I have been blessed with.  Three years ago suicide took one on the periphery of that group.  A longtime friend of theirs.  As the boys talked about what had happened, they speculated on the why's.  They wondered about drug use, sexual identity and other issues he may have been struggling with and which he may have felt separated him from them when he needed them most.  One of the boys looked at the others and said, "I got you no matter what" with tears in his eyes.  They all pledged the same.  That is the message we have to convey to similar young men in word and deed.  Nothing can separate you from me.

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3 hours ago, KUGRDON said:

So many young men take their lives in impulsive acts driven by depression, mental illness and/or circumstances that they lack the experience to keep in perspective.  This is so sad and tragic.  As we witness, enjoy and cherish the exuberance, courage, idealism and joy of the young men in our lives let us be mindful of, and protect them from, their particular vulnerabilities.

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It's got nothing to do with youth and lack of perspective.  In fact, older white men are the most likely demo to commit suicide right now.

https://source.colostate.edu/why-white-older-men-are-more-likely-to-die-of-suicide/

 

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I don't want to hijack this thread, and I've debated not revealing this at all, but the more this issue of suicide and loss and depression is talked about, the better for all who hear it.  It shouldn't be taboo:

My wife killed herself Saturday night.  She left behind 2 boys, ages 5 and 10.  The 5-year-old is my son.  I'd been trying to divorce her for years, and it was a bitter fight.  Due to her terrible decision-making and alcohol and drug use and constant lies in an attempt to smear me, I was finally awarded sole custody and near-exclusive parenting time (with the exception of occasional visitation for her).  All she had to do was sign the judgment.  She never did.  So I'm a widower.  But not in the traditional sense.  The difference is I don't mourn her loss so much as hold contempt for her selfish escape.

I think mdgt put it best when he shared his experience with his father's suicide here not too long ago: Suicide is like dropping a bomb in the middle of your family.  I don't care how much you hate the family member who did it (and I was at the point of extreme disdain for this woman), it's total, scorched-earth devastation.  I had to sit down and tell my 5-year-old son that he'll never see his mother again.  He's young enough that, honestly, it hasn't settled in, and probably won't for years.  I'm getting counseling for him and me to deal with it.  Because some day it most definitely will hit him.

His 10-year-old brother took it harder, and his dad (my ex's first husband) said it was the hardest thing he's ever done, telling his son.  I agree.  It's excruciating for us right now.  And for those 2 boys, it's a life sentence of sorts.  Their story of their mom is this, forever.  It's like a terrible merit badge they'll be forced to wear for the rest of their lives. 

My ex was a person who tore a path of destruction through countless people's lives, but I still would've welcomed her back (and split parenting 50/50) if she had just received professional help, got clean, dealt with her demons, and made amends.  Even just verbally.  But to her, in that frame of mind at that moment, the demons were too much.  She thought there was no coming back.  I wish I could've told her different, but then again, I doubt she would've listened to me.

The older I get, the more it's true to me that we're all fucking depressed or angry or shameful, or struggling, to some degree, at various times.  Social media has a way of glossing up people's lives.  It's uncouth to reveal your dirty laundry on social media.  I'm not necessarily saying we should release our dirty laundry for the world to see, but we do have to swing from the opposite end of the pendulum, where the illusion replaces reality, and we think everyone on earth except for us is "doing fine."  We're not all fine.  If you KNOW THAT, it gives you the power to accept that bad shit happens in your life, and that struggle is part of life, not some rare disorder that should be seen as a personality flaw.  We've all got to start accepting our struggles, sharing our struggle, and as Dave Chappelle said in his most recent stand-up "forgive those who are too weak and support those who are strong."  (Yeah, that's right, I quoted Chappelle like he's fucking Plato or something.)

Anyway, that's my piece today.

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My God.  I've experienced loss from suicide and it's the worst.  It's time we embraced one another and cherished the preciousness of life.  So many hopes lost, so many other lives damaged. 

To Orange and to every Washington State family member and fan anywhere, stay strong and breathe in the joys life can bring every day.

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So sorry to hear that, Orange. My condolences to your family. It is good that you and your son will be getting counseling,  the loss of a parent ( especially like this ) is hard to bear and being able to talk about it can help. I am in my 50's, yet unexpectedly losing my father last year was the most devastating thing I have ever had to deal with, I can't imagine what her children will go through. Just be there for each other and you will get through it together, as painful as it may be. My thoughts are with you.  

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Wow, so sorry for your family's loss Orange. My brother hanged himself more than 25 years ago, but I'm still pissed off at him. None of us can really know the demons at work in these situations, but ultimately suicide is a selfish and cowardly act.

I wouldn't suppose to speculate as to Tyler's circumstances; it is sad and tragic. May he rest in peace.

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god damn, this thread.

my best friend from junior high took is own life about a week ago. we had long drifted apart (i hadn't seen him since high school), but it hit me like a ton of bricks when i heard about it. he went down a pretty bad path involving heavy drug use, and i couldn't say if that was a symptom of, or a reaction to, what he was dealing with at the end. this is different from some of the other stories in this thread, he wasn't family, and we were really only in each other's lives for this finite amount of time going on twenty years ago, but all i feel is sadness for his bright eyed kid who had the most infectious laugh i've still ever heard in my life. 

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Mental illness is as real a disease as cancer and heart disease.

 

It can be completely debilitating and it is never a case of just pulling yourself up. The stigma associated with mental illness in all its forms needs to end and the resources and help extended to other health issues need to be provided.

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35 minutes ago, glduck said:

god damn, this thread.

my best friend from junior high took is own life about a week ago. we had long drifted apart (i hadn't seen him since high school), but it hit me like a ton of bricks when i heard about it. he went down a pretty bad path involving heavy drug use, and i couldn't say if that was a symptom of, or a reaction to, what he was dealing with at the end. this is different from some of the other stories in this thread, he wasn't family, and we were really only in each other's lives for this finite amount of time going on twenty years ago, but all i feel is sadness for his bright eyed kid who had the most infectious laugh i've still ever heard in my life. 

It's both.  That's the viciousness of it.  

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Wow, some heavy stuff in this thread. My condolences Orange and others that have lost someone to suicide. Your stories are making Hilinski's death all the more real. 

The only thing I can add to the discussion is something I read recently, that most suicides are spontaneous decisions. If the individual can be diverted in some way, the impulse will pass and may not come back again. This is from Golden Gate Bridge jumpers that survived: most regretted the decision to jump on the way down, and never attempted suicide again. This is why talking to a depressed person in their worst moment can make a difference. 

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